Redemption Weighed Eight Pounds Nine Ounces

soulfood, your body

You would be turning eight years old today- yesterday- I’ve lost count.
Honestly, I never counted.
Twenty-eight days. Calendar tracking, it never felt important.

Do you know how improbable that it is to make a baby?
I had no idea.
—— I chose not to know.
To know you.
Over and over again.

We spent eight weeks together. And I never even began to know you.

That is until you were gone,
And all of life crumbled in my hands.

I ushered you out of me and a world that never said got to say good morning
One excruciating cramp and contraction after another
I bled that whole fall,
in silence.

It’s inexplicable.

Like clock work, just as you were to be born
I patched the gape in my soul and body with your sister,
or are you two in the same?

It took nine months to rebuild all that I lost with you.

Stripped of a defense
raw and gaping
here I am.

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