give ’em hell

Love

You will always attract the kind of person you believe you deserve.

A few weeks ago I was blaring the Dirty Heads Pandora station whilst showering. White guys singing reggae is always good in my book. Then out of the speakers and into my enraged heart came this song.  Following are the lyrics from Best of Us by the Dirty Heads.

She takes my shoes off when I pass out in the morning

Dead asleep from a night out with the boys

If she came with us I’d have to send a warning:

She can drink with the best of us

She can smoke and she can drink as much as I can

She made me food and rolled a joint when I broke my hand

Fightin’ with her older brother, showed him I’m a man

And she’s as cool as the best of us

She doesn’t get mad when I’m out of control

When I’m blacked out drunk, at the top of my lungs

Man she just laughs and rolls

She’s my lady, baby I know this is always true

I see you yellin’ at your girlfriend,

Mine’s the shit, well how ’bout you?

Givin’ head and we were driving down the freeway

Comin’ home from San on a friday

We were laughin’ ‘cuz her body was in my way

She’s as cool as the best of us

Well she can rock and she can move it with me slowly

Nobody told me she can move it like that

I didn’t see it, didn’t buy it ’till she showed me

That she can drink with the best of us

Well she don’t get mad when I’m out of control

When I’m blacked out drunk, at the top of my lungs

Man she just laughs and rolls

She’s my lady, baby I know this is always true

I see you yellin’ at your girlfriend,

Mine’s the shit, well how ’bout you?

She likes the way I smell when I come home late

She tells me ‘give em hell’ before I come on stage

She likes her beer real cold and her whiskey straight

Stayin’ up all night and then we sleep all day

But if the sun comes steppin’ in early

And I’m waitin’ for my wallet to be empty

‘Cuz last night the stack’s level I was off my lead

I can still look at her with no anxiety because

She don’t get mad when I’m out of control

When I’m blacked out drunk, at the top of my lungs

Man she just laughs and rolls

Well she’s my lady, baby I know this is always true

I see you yellin’ at your girlfriend,

Mine’s the shit, well how ’bout you?

She don’t get mad when I’m out of control

When I’m blacked out drunk, at the top of my lungs

Man she just laughs and rolls

She’s my lady, baby I know this is always true

I see you yellin’ at your girlfriend,

Mine’s the shit, well how ’bout you?

I’m hoping that I don’t have to explain to the masses all of the ways that this song is degrading to women. It speaks for itself. I am worried because this seems to be the way of the future. Too many boys are given few if any expectations. Positive adult male role models that treat women respectfully are more and more a rarity. And have been for dare I say, ever?  And then shit like this comes out of their mouths and into popculture.

This isn’t necessarily the norm coming out of the radio. Though I am particularly fond of the musical masterpiece Talk Dirty primarily because of this golden line: Got her saved in my phone under ‘big booty’.  That pops out of the radio on the trek to preschool far too often. The absurdity makes me smile.  But the reality that we humans are merely monkeys imitating our dominant males, is frightening.

For the record: as a woman, as a mother and of the proud owner of a big booty, none of this rhetoric is getting anyone anywhere. It’s detrimental to the state of… humanity, love, relationships, feminism and decency.  It’s just for entertainment, you say. I can give you that for dance party remixes but a love song going on and on about how your girl doesn’t get mad when you get drunk as a skunk and are ‘at the top of your lungs’.  Oh, no sir.

Here’s the conversation that we should be having, why are you conducting yourself like this in the first place? Sure that’s your prerogative. But do so, in a manner that isn’t disrespectful to your lady. I get that it’s such a relief to have a woman who isn’t nagging you to be a responsible adult. Who doesn’t impose any expectations on you. Maybe at this juncture of your life that’s what you need, a good time, an ugly fist fight and someone to roll you a j and make you some munchies.
But let’s let your situation be yours and not flex, “Mine’s the shit, well how ‘bout yours”, on all of your listeners. Especially because your demographic isn’t exactly the most wholesome bunch. I know I’ve dated them. As the voice of their ex, current and future girlfriends: ohhhh hell no. We’re mad, we aren’t going to just laugh and roll. We need you to be a fucking man. Yes, I realize that the concept of that is ephemeral and may have completely disintegrated. If Best of Us encapsulates your fantasy then please pull together the pieces of reality and get a clue. If that’s beyond your capacity than stay the fuck away from me and mine. We aren’t that girl and we’re disgusted.

Within hours of each other I heard that song and read some article probably entitled, How To Find Your One True Love or some shit like that.

And, per usual I’m trying to teach myself how to love and be loved.  So I read it: manifest destiny, knowledge is power, curiosity killed the cat. Ha. My mind.

I didn’t write the following. I pasted it from somewhere. In my haste I forgot the citation. Or you know even a really broad reference. Bet my pinterest knows. Lo siento.

“The truth is that we all come with some sort of a price tag. We rely on so many superficial things to measure our value and our worth by: appearance, intelligence, success. But no matter how you choose to calculate it, your price tag is determined by one thing and one thing alone: Yourself.

I wish someone could have told me that you get to determine the price that you will place upon yourself. But more so, I wish I would have known the reality that the price I choose is also the price at which I’ll be purchased. I spent so much of my life undervaluing my worth, thinking I wasn’t good enough, smart enough or cute enough. I made decisions based on what I believed I deserved, and my inability to see my true worth took me down some roads I wish I never would have traveled.”

Most importantly: Ladies: Yes, it seems that the spineless roll over and laugh sort of girls are all the rage. But they’re wrong. And they’re only right if we allow them to be. I won’t stand for it. I may stand-alone as a consequence. But, at least I’m standing up.

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