But fo real tho

domestication, silly goose

About that wine:
Here’s my best attempt at a wine review:

well read

Dets: Well REaD. “2013 California Red Wine”.

Source: Trader Joe’s.

Cost: $5.99

These varieties come together seamlessly for a fruit-driven wine with fresh dark fruit flavors and jammy red fruit notes. The Zinfandel offers bold dark fruit flavors and spicy notes, complemented by the soft mouthfeel of Merlot. The Syrah adds layers of smooth blueberry, while the Cabernet Sauvignon delivers ripe fruit flavors and a firm structure. This decadent blend is framed by hints of oak, vanilla, and mocha.

Ha. Just kidding I stole that from a real wine review website for an actual reputable wine.

Let me tell you about this bottle of love and happiness. For $5.99 you can purchase a bottle of red wine that tastes well like pretty cheap red wine. It pairs well with 2 ice cubes.

This one time I asked J to do one final thing in a stream of needy girl requests,

“Babe, will you put some ice in that?”

“No. I. Can. Not.”

“What?” Assuming that I had pushed my luck too far, but trying to act surprised and innocent (that’s my defense mechanism).

“That’s way too fucking country.”

Okay, so maybe I’m a ‘lil country. But, in my defense everything beverage tastes better when not at room temperature.

Back to my review:
I would like to thank the beautiful and talented Ariel Pearson for introducing my to this magnificence.

Let me tell you about the best part. It is one of the only wines (in my price range, yes I’m broke as shit) that won’t kill me.
You heard that right, it won’t kill me.

So please let’s all gather round. Join together our purchasing power and make sure that thisย sulfate free wine never ever goes away.

Honestly, if you have a sulfate allergy or sensitivity but don’t want to commit to hard liquor every time that you would rather ignore the harsh realities of your life this is your jam.

Here’s a rare glimpse at my wine collection:
two wines

The other one has been uncorked since Thanksgiving. Probably, definitely past the uncorked expiration date for cheap ass nasty wine. I mean, only the finest for my family and guests. Wanna come over for dinner? No. Oh.

I made a little joke about my one ingredient soup. But tonight after I drank my grape soup I also ate a bowl of this fantastic soup that I invented.
real soup pot
All of these items were purchased at Trader Joe’s on a whim in an attempt to not give my man-friend a heart attack. Get me soup, isn’t actually as easy as it sounds. I can of cream of cancer based chicken noodle minestrone clam chowder cylinder shaped goo will set you back 3 days of your allotted sodium allowance. We can’t have that now can we.

You too can ingest my masterpiece:
-1 container low sodium chicken broth (I recommend eating all organic meat and dairy products, save your everything is going to kill me anyway speech please).

-1 package garlic and herb chicken sausages (antibiotic free preferably)

-Half a bulb of garlic (not to be confused with a clove of garlic…J)

-Most of a bag of mixed frozen vegetables

-1 whole onion sautรฉed until clear (do I sound like Julia Child?)

-A smallish chunk of butter

-A dash of milk, yes that’s a precise measurement

-Pepper, you can’t actually have enough.

Put the rice in the rice cooker (tell me that you have one, ohhhh well you’re life would be infinitely better with a rice cooker). Cook the sausage. Cook the vegetables, onions and garlic. Poor in the whole container of broth. Put in a bunch of pepper. Chop up the sausage, add that. Put in the butter (resist eating it straight out of the paper), pour in a little milk. Stir intermittently. Cook until that shit is hot, or you’re too hungry to wait any more.

Stir it all up. Put a spoon full of rice on the bottom and another scoop of soup. Yummm eat all of it because it is delicious. I’m not lying. This isn’t like all of the other times that I invented soup and it tasted like you wished you hadn’t have spent all of that damn money making a bowl of gross. You should add mushrooms though, everything is better with mushrooms.

real soup

You’re welcome in advance. ๐Ÿ™‚


One thought on “But fo real tho

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